Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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