I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
