my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
