He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
