she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
