from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
