I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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