I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
