it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
send nudes
from the living room?
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