Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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