think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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