Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
