I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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