you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
