fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
