These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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