oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
