so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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