I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
