The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
