so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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