wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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