I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
