I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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