She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
