Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just blew my weed a kiss
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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