There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
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Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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