Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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