She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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