Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
