Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
