after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
