yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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