Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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