mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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