why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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