Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize