when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize