I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
