My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
