I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
