Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
