She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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