when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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