How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
