I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
