Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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