White coat. Heels.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize