Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
