I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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