I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
