He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
