dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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