just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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