maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
