I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
