Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
